“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (Mr. Darcy to Ms. Bennet)

This was one of the few lines, I dearly remembered from that 300-page book. I finally finished reading it during my field work stay. I actually first attempted reading it seven years ago but I stopped along Ms. Bennet’s prejudices. It was a very boring book with she always thinking how mean Mr. Darcy and his friends were, how agreeable circumstances should be, etc. After I finished it, I felt good for the good ending, I feel cleared but I didn’t feel any satisfaction. But it was indeed boring. Maybe I shouldn’t tried something something too classic for my taste (Shakespeares, Hugos, Austens). It’s my fault. I tried understanding a language, although having the familiar words, but with different contexts. I was actually seeing the words and input the ones my brain collectively understand. I was tired with Bennet’s overly perception (worries). At the end, I was actually in doubt if she has pure feelings towards Mr. Darcy. Why? Practically his house changed her mind and of course the embarrassment. It was not what I had expected of a natural feeling of an unknown attraction. (Am I too enclosed with this idea?) I was also tired with Mr. Darcy’s non-action and arrogance. I was actually tired of the plot that it seems to feel like a forever waiting. A waiting for interactions to happen between the two lead characters. I think they only have less than five encounters. Also, it seems that ladies at that time were like flowers, waiting to be picked or wilted. But there was an element of timing in doing that, and you need to have that perfect chance. I think the story could be written in a good fifty pages with a third person narrating all of it and it will tackle everything.

On the positive, I actually learned a thing a or two. (Is it so westernized to actually look for moral lessons?) There was the setting’s history and culture, where men and women coincidentally meet and then marry. It gave me a feel of an 1800 England. The books also give me sweet chills. The statement above was I think the sweetest among all dialogues. It was like a sweet surrender.

I could really also surmise that both were perceptive characters and I can relate to that. Thinking gives you choices. It’s downside when you do it too much. I read it when I was actually living a hundred kilometers away from my comfort zone. I was always thinking of things that I could or should be doing while living in a unknown family (community).

Reading became a great pleasure during my stay.